You heard it here first...

Friday night, I had a dream that I was hanging out in the old Wherehouse Records spot on Grand River Avenue in downtown East Lansing. It had been turned into an open-air gourmet restaurant/store, sort of like Zingerman's, but less crowded, less Jewish, and with a great deal more dark wood. It was raining, and the roof was not entirely sealed, so there were sections of the dining area that were getting rained on, but overall, the mood was fairly jovial and people seemed to be taking the moist conditions in stride.

I was browsing with some family near the booze section (where else?) and we were sampling various flavored gins and whiskeys. Now, don't go all crazy with the, "Gins and whiskies need no flavoring," angle, because I KNOW THAT. This was a DREAM. We traveled to a few more sections, including one where I grabbed a chocolate cream puff out of its packaging and started eating it in the store because I honestly thought that was okay. All in the name of sampling the merchandise, right?

As dreams will do, this one kind of "skipped," and the next thing I knew, I was in a locker room-type area with Jessica Simpson, who was pregnant and in labor, and was preparing herself to go to the hospital. "I have no problem being a single mother," she chirped brightly at me, picking up an oversized handbag that I can only assume cost more than a month's rent for me, and flouncing out the door with nary a twinge or a grimace that could be contributed to contractions. She was quite friendly in that adorably ditzy kind of way, and I'll have it known that, should she go public in the coming weeks with news of a pregnancy out of wedlock, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.