Monday, September 18, 2006

Express yourself!

A trip to the vet late this afternoon confirmed that Dakota Sue has an infection in her girly parts. It may be a urinary tract infection, it may be a bladder infection. A swabbed culture confirmed it is not a yeast infection, but the lack of a urine sample made it impossible while at the vet's office to pinpoint what it is. What it certainly is, even in the absence of a full diagnosis, is red, angry-looking, oozy, painful and metallic-smelling.

In the course of diagnosing her, the vet determined it would be necessary to do an "anal gland expression," as evidently these glands can burst, causing an effect to the overall genitalia. As this is an unpleasant procedure, Dakota was muzzled, and whined, shedded and whimpered most pitifully while the tall, strong, kind-looking veterinary assistant held her firmly from wriggling away in a cloud of blown fur. I don't even want to know what the vet was doing, but it involved "anal" and "expression" and "glands." Evidently, as the vet observed, there "was a track on the left side that could be contributing," but who can really say definitively about these things? Anal glands are more an art than a science.

In any case, $133 on my MasterCard and one K-9 custard from Michael's later (good for post-traumatic anal gland expression stress disorder), Dakota is snoozing peacefully on the floor by the futon, completely oblivious to the intense drama unfolding on 'Prison Break' and looking so forward, I'm sure, to her chewable antibiotic pill (approximately $5.50 apiece) and topical ointment application (finally had a reason to buy those latex gloves) prior to bed. I am holding off on applying the E-collar that was prescribed to keep her from licking her irritated girly parts for as long as possible, as I'm sure she won't care for that. Attempts to sleep tonight may be interesting for both of us.

In the meantime, I am acutely aware of an interesting new aroma wafting through my house. It smells...poopy, but also meaty, musky and greasy. It smells brown, mealy and oily. It smells, evidently, just like anal glands expressing themselves.

Madonna would be so proud.


Blogger Mary said...

Anal gland expressions?...ouch!! Poor Dakota! Give her a big Grandwoofmom hug for me, will you???

6:06 PM  

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